Think you know Dan Haren? Think again.

Haren announced his retirement from Major League Baseball in October after spending 13 seasons split between eight organizations. The 35-year-old isn't going quietly, though. On Monday, the former big league pitcher decided to reveal a few totally random and hilarious facts about his All-Star career.

Take it away, Dan.

All told, Haren had a pretty good MLB career. He earned three All-Star selections, finished in the top seven in Cy Young voting twice and won 153 games.

Haren clearly saved his best contribution for last, though, as Monday's self-assessment on Twitter was absolutely awesome.

Thumbnail photo via Jasen Vinlove/USA TODAY Sports Images